OMFG

In 25 hours, I'll be an adult. Is that what happens? Wake up on the day and feel free? Or very confused?

I've spent a bit of this evening that I was supposed to be spending doing homework, thinking about all the stuff that's happened since my last birthday. It's a lot of stuff. Like I don't even know where to start.

Like this time last year, I had only just heard of Lemon Demon, and was this close *gestures very small amount* to injecting Word Disassociation directly into my veins. This time last year, I barely knew about vlogging, content to watch No Place Like Home on a loop. If you had told me that whataboutadam *squee* would know who I was, I'd dismiss you as utterly ridiculous.

In the last year, I've completely changed my life. I've made some amazing friends. And I've kept some other amazing friends too. I've failed a proper exam. I became a Nerdfighter. I threw a scandalous free gaff. I went to a YouTube gathering, where so much awesome had never before been in one place. I forgot to breathe just because I was listening to music. I survived without a laptop for 2 and half months. I got so drunk I remember almost nothing of the evening. I fell in love. I got myself out of it (I hope). I've gotten served without parents. I met the Mighty Boosh, and Noel Fielding kissed me on the cheek. I got detention for the first time ever. I've had 2 half-songs written for me. I've seen the ultimate injustice of someone who's 6'7 go for someone who's 5'10. I have to date, 114 subscribers, which is totally ridiculous, cos my videos (bar a few) are completely terrible. I got skinny. And then unskinny again. I had a kickass 18th birthday party. I found out what the game was. I lost the game. A lot. Someone who used to be one of my best friends, is not anymore. I've stayed up all night to see the sunrise. I've stayed up all night to finish an essay. I started a blog. And another, then sorted it out again. I have a new found respect for goths. I've discovered that wine and msn do not mix. And that you pay for it the next day. I'm solely responsible for fourth years doing a dance to a song by Titus Jones. I got 2 of my photos onto the Gonzaga Prebs tickets, which is pretty cool. I met whataboutadam, outside a gathering context, and that's still awesome, even if you weren't a fangirl. I've spent nearly the whole day in Starbucks with people I barely knew and had one of the best days ever. I've done a lot of stalking.

And I think I've had the best year ever. Only cos I can't really remember individual years from when I was small, presumably they had less angst.

I actually cannot remember what it was like when I didn't have YouTube as a big part of my life. When all my friends were IRL friends. When YouTube was just for Neil, Ryan, Max & Co.'s videos, or before that, when it was just for funny morning after videos, or before that when it was Phoenix Production videos, or before that when it didn't even matter. How could it ever not have mattered? How is that even possible?? It's my niche. It's where I go. Where I fit. I like music but can't make any myself, I like acting, but I'm not that good, I like knowing things but hate learning them. They don't work for me as well as YouTube does. It's my place. Even just as a fangirl watching other people's videos and being awestruck and starstruck and very excited when I get mentioned in Blogtv shows, let alone opped. When I finally get round to editing and make a good video, and upload it, I can actually like something I've done. Cos of YouTube, I've gone into town knowing 4 or 5 people, and came out with new friends. It's amazing and I love it and it's changed my life.

And I assume I don't need to tell non-youtubers that they're awesome too? Y'all put up with an awful lot of crap, particularly if you read this, and you know I love you all. Some more than others maybe, but I still do. And I know that this year is being a bit mental, with everybody growing up in themselves, and stress and tension levels are running so high, but it's our last year as we are. And I know that's more welcome to some than others, but we'll be in college. Different colleges more to the point, and we'll divide, and spread out, maybe stay in contact, maybe not. All I know is that if I do go to Belfast, I'll miss all of you so much. I mean if I miss people from my house, just cos I don't see people properly enough, you know I'll miss you from there. And we won't remember the annoying bits. We won't remember the little mannerisms so-and-so had that would drive us insane. We'll look back on the idealised version. And, I don't know about you, but they'll be awesome memories for me. So you're all amazing and I love you. And I'm not drunk, just tired and sentimental, I swear.

23 hours 37 minutes til I'm 18.

Jebus.

And I got 3 hours sleep last night, although it was a fairly awesome Blogtv show, so worth it.

Ok I'm going to sleep.

No work done, what's new.

<3