OMFG

In 25 hours, I'll be an adult. Is that what happens? Wake up on the day and feel free? Or very confused?

I've spent a bit of this evening that I was supposed to be spending doing homework, thinking about all the stuff that's happened since my last birthday. It's a lot of stuff. Like I don't even know where to start.

Like this time last year, I had only just heard of Lemon Demon, and was this close *gestures very small amount* to injecting Word Disassociation directly into my veins. This time last year, I barely knew about vlogging, content to watch No Place Like Home on a loop. If you had told me that whataboutadam *squee* would know who I was, I'd dismiss you as utterly ridiculous.

In the last year, I've completely changed my life. I've made some amazing friends. And I've kept some other amazing friends too. I've failed a proper exam. I became a Nerdfighter. I threw a scandalous free gaff. I went to a YouTube gathering, where so much awesome had never before been in one place. I forgot to breathe just because I was listening to music. I survived without a laptop for 2 and half months. I got so drunk I remember almost nothing of the evening. I fell in love. I got myself out of it (I hope). I've gotten served without parents. I met the Mighty Boosh, and Noel Fielding kissed me on the cheek. I got detention for the first time ever. I've had 2 half-songs written for me. I've seen the ultimate injustice of someone who's 6'7 go for someone who's 5'10. I have to date, 114 subscribers, which is totally ridiculous, cos my videos (bar a few) are completely terrible. I got skinny. And then unskinny again. I had a kickass 18th birthday party. I found out what the game was. I lost the game. A lot. Someone who used to be one of my best friends, is not anymore. I've stayed up all night to see the sunrise. I've stayed up all night to finish an essay. I started a blog. And another, then sorted it out again. I have a new found respect for goths. I've discovered that wine and msn do not mix. And that you pay for it the next day. I'm solely responsible for fourth years doing a dance to a song by Titus Jones. I got 2 of my photos onto the Gonzaga Prebs tickets, which is pretty cool. I met whataboutadam, outside a gathering context, and that's still awesome, even if you weren't a fangirl. I've spent nearly the whole day in Starbucks with people I barely knew and had one of the best days ever. I've done a lot of stalking.

And I think I've had the best year ever. Only cos I can't really remember individual years from when I was small, presumably they had less angst.

I actually cannot remember what it was like when I didn't have YouTube as a big part of my life. When all my friends were IRL friends. When YouTube was just for Neil, Ryan, Max & Co.'s videos, or before that, when it was just for funny morning after videos, or before that when it was Phoenix Production videos, or before that when it didn't even matter. How could it ever not have mattered? How is that even possible?? It's my niche. It's where I go. Where I fit. I like music but can't make any myself, I like acting, but I'm not that good, I like knowing things but hate learning them. They don't work for me as well as YouTube does. It's my place. Even just as a fangirl watching other people's videos and being awestruck and starstruck and very excited when I get mentioned in Blogtv shows, let alone opped. When I finally get round to editing and make a good video, and upload it, I can actually like something I've done. Cos of YouTube, I've gone into town knowing 4 or 5 people, and came out with new friends. It's amazing and I love it and it's changed my life.

And I assume I don't need to tell non-youtubers that they're awesome too? Y'all put up with an awful lot of crap, particularly if you read this, and you know I love you all. Some more than others maybe, but I still do. And I know that this year is being a bit mental, with everybody growing up in themselves, and stress and tension levels are running so high, but it's our last year as we are. And I know that's more welcome to some than others, but we'll be in college. Different colleges more to the point, and we'll divide, and spread out, maybe stay in contact, maybe not. All I know is that if I do go to Belfast, I'll miss all of you so much. I mean if I miss people from my house, just cos I don't see people properly enough, you know I'll miss you from there. And we won't remember the annoying bits. We won't remember the little mannerisms so-and-so had that would drive us insane. We'll look back on the idealised version. And, I don't know about you, but they'll be awesome memories for me. So you're all amazing and I love you. And I'm not drunk, just tired and sentimental, I swear.

23 hours 37 minutes til I'm 18.

Jebus.

And I got 3 hours sleep last night, although it was a fairly awesome Blogtv show, so worth it.

Ok I'm going to sleep.

No work done, what's new.

<3

A Rant

I have cried, just a bit, but enough to get me angry, because a guy I know has taken up poi. Now having assumed you just looked at the link provided, you will see that it is simultaneously dangerous and sexy (à la driving very fast down Italian country roads at night) and THE MOST RIDICULOUSLY FUCKING STUPID THING I'VE EVER HEARD OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*ahem* I cried because what if he gets hurt???? He hasn't gotten his fire ones yet, and is on LED ones for practice, which from the photos look very cool, but on one of the most recent occasions, in his words: "the poi fell to the ground cause i nailed myself in the mouth...ouch"

Ouch in-fucking-deed. Who does that as a hobby??? And he was saying I sounded like his mother, but in that case, I agree with his mother, it's dangerous and stupid and he'll get hurt and I can't have that happen!! I mean what if that falling poi the other day had been ON FIRE??? What then?? Ouch. Jesus. I mean. Like. For fucks sake!!!!

He is literally playing with fire. I mean Jesus. Do you need to say any more than that?? He is enacting a metaphor for something you're not supposed to do!!! Stupid boy. I mean honestly. Why is he doing this to me? This is ridiculous childish behaviour and I won't have it!!!

*watches video again*

Ok, it is quite cool..

Still not safe!!!! Bad and dangerous and scary and unsafe and cool-wait what's that word doing there? Shoo! None of your pro-poi madness here!!!

See this is what happens, no blogs for months then many at once.

Sucks to be my homework=/

Yep yep yep yep yep

That's a nice positive title.

I should really blog soon. Everybody else has been so good with the bloggage, and after endlessly arsing about with mine and getting it back down to 2, one pure blog, one pure quotes, I just haven't bothered. 

And I don't know why, it's not like there hasn't been enough to blog about (eg. my awesome awesome 18th - thank you peoples who came and made it awesome, if it weren't for you, I would have been in a nice dress, with good music, getting drunk with my sister; the whole Funday Fiasco, capital F, capital F; true love conquering all; being sick; prebs and all the scandal that entailed, for there was much; how 2 of our most spinstery teachers spent a Friday evening watching my videos and then proceeded to gossip about it in the office, and about how disgraceful and inappropriate it is,  despite the fact that it's none of their fucking business what I do in my free time, and I won't name them, but I think you can guess who has no life enough to while away a Friday evening watching a 6th year who isn't even in any of their classes on the innternet; how much work I have to do and no way I can do it; how I am completely incapable of work at all etc etc etc) but I just chose not to.

And if you could get through that garbled parenthesis, then you deserve my love.. though if you're reading this, you probably already have it, so just have some more, and sit quietly on the edge 'til I've taught the newbies the steps and I can do something more complex with you. Anyone remember that from their youths? Oh to be advanced enough to sit on the edge while the retards learned the basics of whatever it was we were doing. The feeling of utter superiority to be one of the handful up against the wall watching them. Childhood. Good times.

I think my ipod knows I'm blogging. I don't like bouncy types when I blog, it's distracting, and I'm normally not in the mood to hear it when I do. I've done well to avoid that sort of carry-on so far this year. Well ish. A few minor hiccups, but in the main I'm not as unhappy as I was last year. That could also be to do with the fact that I'm eating properly this year. Well I say properly, not healthily or anything, just crap when I want it basically. Like the cookies. Sweet mother the cookies! They're beautiful!! I don't know why I'm surprised, considering their kitchen of origin, but still. I brought in 6 this morning, 3 for breakfast, 3 for break. Or 4 for breakfast, 2 for break, I'm weak. Seriously, how in God's name did I do controlled eating for a month and a half???? And how can I get back into it after Christmas??

No eating between January whatever-th, when we get back to school til St. Patrick's Day. And we all know the reason why.. well nobody wants a fat fangirl;)

I mean, I'm scary enough as it is, all loud and huge, there's no need to add any unnesscessary unpleasantries. Besides I'm going to explode, I don't want to leave a big heavy corpse behind, that's just rude.

And I know this is of no interest to anyone at all, but over the summer I got into writing in my diary (most beautiful oldy worldy book with some extract from "La Chasse" embossed on the cover, and Mozart's signature on the foldy over bit. You know those notebooks with the foldy over bit of cover? Yeah it's one of those. Paperblanks. That's the one.) about whatever I felt like, in a most glorious free and easy way. This person's name here, that person's name there, the exact cause of my woe here, that's person's effect there, it was wonderful, not the guarded, third person, no mention of anything concrete, style thing I have to use here cos of people I know (all 3, 4 of you?) who read this. I mean I love you and all, but that doesn't mean I'm going to tell you anything about me. Like really about me. Or is it about really me? Or just the real me?

You'd think it would get a bit strange to be someone to everybody else, and be someone else on the inside. But I like the me I've set up on the outside, it's bearable, people seem to like it, and it's not like it's fake or anything, it's just a very particular type of me. People me, if you will. I'm sure loads of people do this, it's not just me, I'm not that special, or interesting.

Oh well I've got to put my family face on and go down for Thanksgiving dinner. I can't even begin to explain. I wearing my dress for Paddy's in case your interested. Even if it is a bit summery;)

<3